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I had 3 stitches in my ear today and now my ear is swollen like a balloon
I’m not being racist but if you didnt want your ear to swell up you probably shouldn’t have gotten stitches.
how is that racist
they just said they weren’t being racist do you even listen
109,661 notes (via swagchat & adrians1)
after a while i became convinced that the words were mocking me
I WAS PROMISED A BATTLE
*throws down gauntlet*
Edit: Went back. This is the best thing to happen to my dashboard ever.
Reblogging again because my followers need to see this. To be clear, rebog, go to your actual blog, then click the picture.
Oh it’s on bitches.
172,616 notes (via imcallingbullocksonthat & anywigwilldo)
help me I can’t stop laughing
DID HE JUST RUN ALL THE WAY TO THE SEATS TO CLAP FOR HIS TEAM OMFG
166,925 notes (via imcallingbullocksonthat & crazypeoplejail)
Plot twist: the-absolute-funniest-posts stops self-promoting
Thats not a plot twist thats a miracle.
I can’t tell if this is them being sarcastic assholes or not
73,063 notes (via imcallingbullocksonthat & laughing-llama)
in the future if my kids tell me that they are gay i’ll just be like “what” because i don’t plan on having any kids so how the hell did they get there
97,303 notes (via assbuttdarren & vocaroo)
There’s no food in my house
*dying whale noise*
whale: there is no krill in the ocean
*teenage girl noise*
185,776 notes (via imcallingbullocksonthat & cannnibalisticsandwich)
a dog gave birth on the side of the road and was ticketed for littering
95 notes (via swagchat)
peacocks are perfectionists because they pay attention to de tail
61 notes (via swagchat)
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